Love Letter To Reality

A Possibility Story

I am no longer who you think I am. 
I am no longer who I thought I was. 

How can I tell? 

Living here in the Bridge-House of the Women Of Earth in Florianopolis (Brasil) is a constant Reality check. I love it! 

When I got on the phone with my beloved Trainer colleague Vera Franco, to tell her that before the joint Expand The Box training starts in Sao Paulo, I want to be part of the Women Of Earth Bridge-House, my heart celebrated and dropped at the same time. 

I had just come out of a one-month experiment where I had stepped out of the pressure I was constantly putting on myself. Pressure to be good enough. Pressure not to do anything wrong. A game of high expectations of myself. 

But how was I supposed to tell that I was not lying to myself that I stepped out of this game? How could I have known that I was not  telling myself a wonderful-sounding story? Or that I had landed in a Fantasy World?

In Germany, I am alone most of the day and there are plenty of opportunities to stay in the comfort zone. If my computer was on, then I was on. Zoom meetings connected me to the outside world. If Zoom was off, who was there to give me a Reality check about what I was doing? 

Yes, there is Creation. But who can tell me if I have just ended up in a frenzy of functioning again if I do not catch myself early? My Gremlin loves* to plaster pressure over something I am doing anyway. My Gremlin is a master at grabbing my heart projects and turning them into "musts" and "shoulds" and deadlines. But then I am out of Reality. I am in the rocking boat of pressure. Functioning and collapsing. Functioning and collapsing.

*I am writing in the presence, because it would be an illusion to believe that my Gremlin would not try this again if I am unconscious of it. 

So, there I was. Fresh out of the hamster wheel of pressure. And now? 

It is time for a Reality check. Off to the Bridge-House!

… … …

Did I talk about Fantasy Worlds earlier? 

I am glad that I was already registered for a "Family Constellation meets Possibility Management" weekend with Carola Mayer-Ackermann and Michael Pörtner in Stuttgart (Germany) before I left. That was the icing on the cake. 

Holy mole, how long have I been trying to get out of the pressure... With the help of Emotional Healing Processes (EHPs) I could make a crack in my survival strategies and reveal old belief systems. Everything worked up to a certain point and then I was stuck. By exerting even more pressure to get better, by trying not to exert any pressure at all, which in the end is pressure again. The one-month experiment was the chocolate cake* to finally break through, the family constellation was the cream and the cherries on top.

*I share more about my experiments in articles that you can find at https://medium.com/@lisaommert.

Functioning and 'doing everything right' was inherent in my family. I had taken over what my father had already struggled with. I had also taken on the almost insane excesses that came into my life through the rules of a very strict religious community, through my parents. All of that fell away this weekend. In all my Dignity, standing on my own Value, I was able to look my representative father in the eye and tell him that I love him without any Expectation or hope that he would love me back. A childhood wound was allowed to heal. I am Love. I am no longer the little girl who hoped to be loved and would bend over backwards for it. Hello pressure! I am a Woman of Dignity!

Ok, it is time for a Reality check. Off to the Bridge-House.

… … …

The Women of Earth Bridge-House where Women live in their Dignity. 

This is a love letter to Reality and to Women of Earth. 

This house is wild! It is alive, it pulsates. Like a swarm of bees, where the next wonderful encounter could be waiting around every corner.

This is the most beautiful thing I have ever done in my life. And since I am committed of no longer limiting myself to the word 'beautiful', this is what is really going on inside me. 

I love being part of a context in which women have radically committed themselves to stepping out of patriarchal structures, into a Next Culture, Archiarchy, which we don't yet need to know how to do. 

My heart leaps for joy to live together with other Women with the Possibility of Rapid Learning, where no one spares the other, but brings out the best in everyone. A place with Sword and heart. 

I love experiencing hearts on fire, about all the things we hate and all the things we love. It is part of the culture to hear a woman shout: "I hate it" and in the next moment I see her in her warrior power, creating Drala (Sanskrit word that means the ability to hold magical energy) in the house. 

And the reality check?

I have never felt so in flow and at ease with myself in my entire life. The emotional fear of not being good enough and the fear of doing something wrong have disappeared. I no longer value work on the computer more highly than any other activity. 

This results in many wonderful, spontaneous and intimate encounters that could not be more transformative. I try out new things, especially when it comes to the structure of my day. And I do not hide behind my computer. I sit with it in the common rooms and what I write or speak is not secret. 

I am! 

I am a new person from moment to moment. I am exploring myself, with all my yes’s, no's and very clear boundaries. I say what is! No more bending or hiding. 

How long have I tried to be a Conscious Asshole? Tried to force (pressure) myself to say things with more anger. But this is not the key. My key is to leave childhood Survival Strategies behind.

Being a Conscious Asshole is living in Reality - saying WHAT IS!

Life is beautiful.*
* Reality is Aliveness.